Behold…The Golden Shower Mixtape…excuse me I mean the The Golden Album. My bad but let’s be honest. If you put all Alchemist beats on the ground and then put Jay Z’s Black Album acapella version on top of that…and then pissed on it for a good five minutes this is the mixtape you would get out of the whole ordeal. I’m talking ass cheeks and loose pussy lips on this one folks. Do ya’ll remember Bill Packer’s quote when Jerome Lane broke the backboard in a college basketball game back in the day? He said: “Send it in Jerome!!” Well I’m saying it again…Send It In Jerome!! We have quiet possibly the worst mixtape ever made in the history of mixtapes.
Lets dig a little deeper through this pile of shit shall we? The concept of the mixtape is all Alchemist Beats over Jay Z’s vocals from the Black Album. Ok Ok, now granted this has been done with the whole Jay Z Black album to death. But, its not entirely a bad idea considering AL has an extensive catalogue of quality beats. The key word in that last sentence was “idea” cause that’s all this mixtape really was; an “idea” that was executed with the precision of a blind surgeon with one leg and a scorching case of gonorrhea. For those that have ever met me in person you know I’m a large individual and in being a large individual I can and have taken extra large shits. Now in doing so I have taken shits that have sounded as well as smelled better than this here mixtape. Have you every heard a maimed cat or dog screech before they die? Well it sounds better than this mixtape. You know the sound your shoes make after you’ve been in the rain and then walk into a department stores nicely waxed floor…that sounds better than this mixtape. (squeek) I mean whoever made this mixtape doesn’t even understand the concept of a “blend” or “remix” for that matter. The fact when mixing an acapella over a instrumental the shit has to be “on” beat is lost on this person(s). No regard to actual DJ skill or concept of having the music sound like it was even close to being on beat. Any self respecting DJ, mixtape connoisseur or hip hop enthusiast would now 10 seconds into a mix the shit is off. Click here for a sample of the train wreck so you can hear what I’m talking about.
Ya’ll remember DJ Fich? Well this is a whole CD of Finch like blends…a whole CD people! Not one blend, not maybe one or two blends were slightly off, every single blend was off. This is what happens when technology goes wrong. A computer program cannot save you and it certainly cannot give you rhythm or give you the ability to even count four bars. I mean just listen to the music and you can hear the music does not fit. Maybe cats really are blind surgeons and I’m an ass for making fun of them. Fuck that shit, these cats need to go dig a hole somewhere and jump in it with their computer program…maybe their Moms can pack them a lunch too. This mixtape proves without a reasonable doubt that computer programs, although sometimes helpful, will never take the place of an actual DJ who has an ear for music with the skills and know how to make something sound better than the original recording.
Welcome these mutha fuckas to the lowest common denominator in mixtapes..a “no tape” rating from Rapmullet and straight to the murder of the month.